Disengaging, Engaging

An old friend of mine seems to have unfriended me on Facebook, probably because I made an ill-advised comment on one of her posts, but less proximally because we seem to be just drifting apart.  Since I stopped being so willing to do Friday night movies or Saturday afternoon outings with a lot of my friends here in town, and since three of them have taken to working out together (which I do at a gym, usually with a trainer, as I have done for 3.5 years or so now), my relationships with them have been fraying.  It may be just the kick in the pants (or skirt-seat, as the case may be) I need to move out of my current living situation and move closer to the shul.  But man, am I going to miss my garden.  So, combine that with the impending loss of my job, and I’m feeling a little down…again.  I haven’t had very many days of being not-depressed since September of last year.

On the other hand, I finally got my application in to the Beit Din.  It took me quite a while to round up all the pieces and parts, alas.

And I still haven’t had the opportunity to tell my family, <i>or</i> my oldest remaining friend yet, either.

Nngh.

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Shabbats Recap — Urfh

Nothing much to say about these two Shabbats, except that I didn’t make it to shul either this week or last week. Bleah. I have wanted to go, too, because I want to nail down the rav about starting to study, since I now have all this free time (*mutter grump*).

I am enjoying Hanukkah, though. I always do. I’ve been ecumenical about holidays since about forever, and while I do agree that if you celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, and/or you’re a Christian, you shouldn’t celebrate Hanukkah (personally, I’d like to decommision the Great Commission), given that it’s specifically about the freedom of Jews to be Jews, I mostly do it for shalom habayit anyway, and have for years. (Can you really call someone who thinks there was no such person as the historical Jesus a “Christian,” no matter where or how they grew up?) Back when I was living in T.O., I always made a point of going down to the now-sadly-almost-defunct Little India (Coxwell and Gerard Sts.) for the annual Diwali party, although I never have been any religion that celebrates it. But hey, it’s dark, it’s cold, let’s light some candles and eat some sweet things and call it a party.

That brings up an important point: Do I buy more Christmas wrapping paper this year (I kind of need it, although I could likely make do with what I’ve got), and risk not needing it next year and having leftovers I don’t know what to do with, or do I wrap everything in two kinds of paper and hope for the best? (And deprive myself of some of the only fun I get out of the whole endeavour.)

Shabbat Recap — Flat

I have had, if not the worst cold I’ve had in about 20 years, then a mild case of the flu, probably one of the strains to which I was already partially immune. Plus, Izzy is still sick — he has a “melting ulcer” on his cornea and, while it’s getting better, it still isn’t completely healed yet. So I stayed in.

That said, I’m getting much better about remembering to say the brachot before eating, and I’m hoping I can land a job soon so I can move on to the next phase of my life.

I got the new issue of the OU magazine yesterday — I’m subscribed to it because I sponsored a friend who was running a marathon to support Yachad, a group run by the OU that provides integrated Shabbatons and other Jewish activities for able-bodied and handicapped kids. (Actually, if someone took the Yachad model and made it secular, I’d love to see it implemented all over the place; more kids could benefit from stuff like that. As someone with cerebral palsy, it’s very easy for handicapped kids to wind up essentially ghettoised. Not that I’m against Yachad doing this for Jewish kids, just that all kids should be able to benefit from something like that.) There’s one article in particular, or maybe one section of one article, that I feel I really should write about.

In the meantime, I need to continue trying to get my life beseder. Lehitraot, a bientot, for now.

Gettin’ Control Freaky

As my job hunt goes on (and on), it’s looking more and more likely that I’ll have to leave my current city of residence and move to Toronto or the Kitchener-Waterloo tech triangle. (No, I will not even consider moving to Alberta and working on Tar Sands-related jobs. Don’t even ask.) This is causing me anxiety (when am I ever not anxious?*) regarding my conversion process. I haven’t even started formally studying (although G-d knows I’ve done enough reading on my own) with the rabbi here, and all of a sudden I’m looking to have to begin the petition process all over again.

Does anybody ever have a smooth conversion to Judaism? Anywhere? Ever? Asking for a friend.

On the upside, if I get this new job I’m angling for, I’ll be working quite close to a large Jewish neighbourhood, which would be good for me Jewishly, although Torontoishly, the location could be better. ^_^

My friend DA would advise me to just let it go and let G-d sort it out, but being this sort of passive passenger in my own life frustrates me to no end. I guess this is the central issue I’m supposed to work out in my life right now.

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* The people who raised me are Scottish, and if there’s anything of the commonalities the Scots do even better than the Ashkenazim, it’s “doomin’ an’ gloomin’.”

Shabbat Recap — Sleeping

I actually really wanted to get to shul this week because this is my namesake parsha, but I didn’t. I’m going to have to figure out another way of setting my alarm, because I wake up for about three minutes and then fall right back to sleep again. Of course, my fibro is fibroing, which doesn’t help. Sleep disorders just don’t help at all. I did fairly well otherwise this week, except for forgetting and turning on the kitchen light just as I was about to feed the cats. (“Big kitty food…and little kitty food!”, although the little kitty isn’t exactly so little anymore, if indeed he ever was. At seven months, he’s about 9 pounds give or take.)

I wound up sleeping most of the day, and I’m about to head back, since I have Hebrew class tomorrow and I simply must get out to pick up a prescription tomorrow afternoon, whether I like it or not.

I’m still debugging. Things will get better once I find another job, almost certainly, but I haven’t had much luck with that so far.

I finally finished the book on kashrut, which was quite stultifying and kind of confusing in places, but does have excellent flowcharts on what to do in case of common “kosher emergencies.”